I always thought that I knew I'd always have the right to be living in the kingdom of the good and true

A few handy things to know about EWR Terminal C:

1. The security checkpoint all the way to the right after you walk in is always by far the least crowded. Even when there's mayhem at the airport because a tropical storm is visiting, getting through that checkpoint takes no time at all. Of course when your flight gets cancelled because lightning is dancing on the tarmac, it won't matter if you get stuck in long security lines or not.

B. There's an A&W all the way to the left after you pass through security, down by gate 130 or so. The root beer they'll give you isn't like regular A&W root beer from a can. This stuff tastes like the real thing, like it was brewed with molasses.

III. Speaking of molasses, if you go to the A&W in C-Terminal at EWR, allow three times the reasonable amount of time to get through the line and get your food and root beer. You thought the cashiers at urban KMarts were slow, these ladies clearly get paid by the hour and clearly don't give a shit about you or your flight's final boarding call. Still, the draft root beer's worth the wait. Yum.